You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
