Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
