I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
