Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just had sex on a roof
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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