Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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