Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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