Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
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