You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
