All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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