Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
im about as happy as oj after his trial
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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