my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize