i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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