dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Randomize
