I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize