It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
