So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
