my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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