went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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