Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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