If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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