So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
