toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
