He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
