So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Go christen that room with your naked body.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
