phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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