So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
