I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
