my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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