She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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