no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
