I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
