To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
