So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
