I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
