Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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