does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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