its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
