i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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