i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
as a side note pls kill me
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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