so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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