Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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