considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
