Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
