the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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