Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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