Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
