LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You don't make any sense
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