I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
