she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
