Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
