is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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