i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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