I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
