Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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