I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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