I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
His hands were made for my vagina.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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