His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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