It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
