I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
