over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
