i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
