that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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