I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Randomize
