: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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