Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
