Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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