come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
