Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
