we have officially lost it.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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