you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
