He asked to "fluff my boner.."
vagina is talking i cant
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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