Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
