You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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