At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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