But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
