Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You have to summon your inner elephant
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
