is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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