Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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