try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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