She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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