And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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