I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I was not drunk enough for that final.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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