We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
whose ass print is on the piano?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The air taste purple.
Randomize
