I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
