the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
