My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
