so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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