I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
