Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
