Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
