is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
